Fur eye day-The Way the Game is Played

got some sun in my eye yesterday  - yes actually that creates something called dry eye-
bought something to clear it  up today - heh
hows that? Is zat meaningless enough?
jus kiddin

Am beginning to feel a little looser about things - I can't begin to tell you what those missing two years were like - actually I've been in much worse shape emotionally - even while I was comparatively wealthy- but nevertheless being homeless and fund less is trying experience as is losing all one's possessions - what can I say? I mean l lost friends early on, to drugs, drink and depression and when I think of all those who have never reached my advanced age of almost sixty it freaks me out. Of course in show business one never tells one's age - do one?
 
       - Yes there's much more elaborate written  material in the can and I will post, soon, the stuff that fits into the subject remit - eg the psychological effects and responses to advances in technology.   That is a hobby. Also there's a bit of fiction which you'll really have to pay for.

          As to the big group of material in the can - the three or so y ears worth , honestly, it's good stuff, but I've always been loathe to cover material that I wrote a while back.  I mean I'll do it for money, but otherwise I'd rather spend my time on the new stuff.

            For the record I'm living in a reasonably rural environment between New Paltz and Woodstock NY.
Eventually I'll make one more move - probably west- because the drug laws here in NYS are not to my liking.  Still am broke but it's far better to be broke once and for all then to be sitting in a big house watching thousands of dollars a day disappear and being unable to do anything about it - which was my situation in Locust Valley.


               It's all very amusing. When I was a boy people predicted I'd go insane. They are running out of time it seems. guess you can't judge a book by it's cover, huh?

                My lawyer tells me that one of the words he finds his other clients use that he find most offensive is “brand” as in the recently coined verb “to brand”. This means to become associated in the public mind with something. He mentioned it to me and remarked that I , at least, had never mentioned the idea. He indicates he’s amazed that someone can remain so incompetent and so capable at the same time.

                          It’s an interesting question, It reminds me of the time the drummer with the grammy’s on the wall asked me what I was into and I froze up. Part of the reason was at the time I was heavily into computers, part of the reason is my taste is so prosaic; Beach Boys and Beatles. You know these are hardly influences. Influences are supposed to be obscure.

                                     Later on realized there were two other reasons for my reluctance to answer the guys question, or three maybe. One obvious one , which I don’t believe, is that I was afraid of giving the “wrong” answer – you know capable players are supposed to like Stevie Wonder and that jazzier note perfect trip – where as I am much more of a classical, tone oriented sensibility.

                                The other answer – the one that makes the most sense is that unfortunately I can’t tell you what in into because I haven’t created it yet. That can be a nasty thing to say if you understand it in it’s true meaning. I’ve worked with enough musicians to know how much of a drag and how uncomfortable it is to work with someone who is the dedicated follower of some other chap. As Kieth Richards said one time the last thing he wanted to hear was yet another white bluesmans interpretation of the blues.

                                  The final answer, and the truest of all is very simple. I don’t care how many f*ckin grammy’s you got on the wall. You come to me and make demands that I tell you what my influences are? Who died and left you king? You wanna be polite you do standard interrogation procedure – eg you tell me or show me first what you like and then maybe I will respond in kind, for does not Master Kung say that reciprocity is the most essential element in human relations? I tell you nothing, c*nt.

                               I behave like this because this is the way the game is played. You have to respect everyone because every once in a while you’re going to run into someone like me and if you fool with me you will regret it for the rest of your life. I don’t need no brand. Why does the Stewart not sit at the head of the table? Because where the Stewart sits *is* the head of the table. There’s only one person who’s opinion counts and that’s the one on the other side of the stage.

post scriptum    actually I guess what we have is sort of a wizard of Oz scenario where all Dorothy has to do   it click her heels and say "there's no place like home."

             If you were a fly on the wall which  would you prefer to be a fly on the wall of a big accounting firm

or on the wall of an artist?    actually you know the old adage is that we do artifical things to create the 

illusion of natural ness    - and there's  a corrolary to that which is in order to create moments of extreme excitement we must under go periods of great boredom.

            You know Freud observed that there were people who spent all their time being happy because

they were terrified of discovering how miserable they really were.  You see that all across the psyche - where of  instance  frightened  people appear brave.   What's that expression about genius being the capacity to take infinite pains?   I'm not comfortable with that per se.   It calls to mind the expression that it is best to judge a man but what he does not do. 

            It is a particular flaw in the media business for practitioners to over estimate their abilities and consequently to refuse to shut the f*ck up.  but then there's those who never say a way and six months later publish your ideas under their names - these are called college professors.

Tamlin