Friday, April 19, 2013

Wooden Dragons





                   “But Don Quixote   - you are seeing things!       Sancho Panza

                 I glad to see that I no longer have to resort to hyperbole to describe this web site a as the most important on the world wide web. What others speak of will effect some, or many of you – what I speak of will effect some, and is,  effecting, all of you.
                Let me speak briefly aside for a moment however, in lieu of greater credentials.  The mere fact  that Miquel De Cervantes  was able to create  such a complex and multifaceted  work  as the story of the Misfit don Quixote ought, in a sane world, have proven to someone that here was a man of some intelligence.   It did not, as his near contemporary Machiavelli  might have commented, the world is divided into not only the prince and the commoner,  but those  of ill intent as well as good.  Not that I would complain of being hounded,  it’s nice to be loved, but it’s nice to be treated fairly  and the powerful of our world often cannot resist a little exploitation here and there.
                  But of course the kicker for me is that  the Don may have lost the  battle but he certainly won the war  and I hope and trust someday some victory as was and is his shall grant wings to my efforts as well.  Even more then that it   is my prayer that such thoughts as awaken in you may preserve you and your loved ones in the insanity .

                The term   technology has to be given a wider definition then most contemporary usage.  We uses it tin the original Greek sense of technos – which is roughly, “the means by which things are made.”  As such one the first tecknos was the  creation of cities.
               The discovery of the subconscious  as rarely given the import it deserves, but never  the less  we have to communicated n the conscious world.
                 In this long saga the fifteenth century is  notable for the discovery of cannon balls, which ended the rule of castles and hence the middle ages, and at the same time the advent of capitalism in Italy, which allowed for long voyages of explorations sn colonial   expansion.  What I just said is nothing new. I wouldn’t even mention it  except for the fact that Cervantes uses the Dragon, subtly as a symbol.
                The repeat a long stated premise the dragon is the life force, to some extent it is civilization, but more properly it is a symbol of the dross seeking the empyrean ,of it’s own accord.  Like many element symbols the dragon is so complete in it’s psychic emphasis   that it’s difficult to think of many other things to say about it.   Immediately one calls to mind Fraziers work, “The golden Bough”   which at times reads like a phone book.  The symbolic behaviors are widespread but they are not very complicated.
             Speaking to circumstances we currently face I am not beholden to any one approach. I’m neither a survivalist nor a utopian..Let’s just say the opportunities before, in particular in terms o maniulain of human genosph0es are larger then they have ever been, and it is no time for hubris.
          I’d go so far as to say that these writings are informed by such Science Fictions stories as Logans Run, and Thx-1138.    To put it bluntly I do not think this is a friendly world  and what is more, without som sort of ethic compass the opportunity  for missteps grows larger.
             Has the world ever been friendly though?
             What need mentioning however is that Cervantes saw “el monstre”, the dragon    as  a windmill, exactly analogous to   Blakes Dark Satanic mills.  The irony is that superficially at least the dragon of
Quixotes world was the Catholic Church.
                  I don’t kid myself . Virtually no one today  understands what I am talking about.   What is critical to know is that I am no genius per se.  in there words the walls holding you back from understanding what I say are not   high not wide  - you simple cannot perceive them in the way humanity has always  been held back by delusions, and not only religious delusions.
                                      Too explain, in the British industrial revolution no one wanted to hear that air pollution and colonialism were bad – it made people rich, and rich is good and there for anything opposed to that was wrong.   Those who saw other with starved and that tends to silence one's voice.
                                  The same Ferdinand and Isabella who launched Columbus also launched the
Inquisition – in the same year,  1492.  They are merely two sides of the same coin.   
                   If any of us are going to survive   we are going to have to be aware as possible of the actual circumstances in which we live and not be seduced   by the Sirens of technological progress.



Thursday, April 11, 2013

Shane! Come Back!

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Shane! Shane come back! Come back Shane!”

It is accounted among the wise that at any given moment we have an infinite number of possible actions available to us and further more each of these actions would bring into being any of an infinite number of universes. Add to them the many universes we have already traversed – some real, some not so real is in not unusual that a degree of weariness happens to weigh the psyche down and this, along with the dew covered wings of the muse bring moments of silence, however brief to the hills and valleys and halls of eternity.
Fortunately there are few aware of just the way things really are. We have seen many sights, I and the reader. Personally my flaw is to think, like a foreign speaking bachelor in Paris. It’s nice, but I wish there were some one to share these things with.
Let us rest our weary minds then for a moment. Though virtually no one is reading this blog I like to think that in al fairness someone, the even many, may catch up. I won’t be your friend. I won’t degrade the idea by pretending it is so. Machines are not your friends. The internet is not your friend.

And image I think of sometimes is the castle of the sleeping beauty, She was enchanted by a wicked witch, made to sleep for a hundred years. In the early versions of the tale much is a made of the castle she sleeps in, covered in corpses, bones sticking through torn uniform on thorn bushes . Finally Prince Charming comes along –a chap who’s sole virtue is a damn good sense of timing.
I’d like to look a little further into charming attributes. Yes, he had a good sense of timing, but he also survived when hundreds, thousands died. Remembering your lessons you know that the true heroic act is achieved not out of desire for however noble a good, but out of manifestation of the heroes being.
That’s the point isn’t it? Studies of front line soldiers reveal that the number who actually pull the trigger with intent to harm is very small. If you look at a generations worth of artists it’s much the same, a few produce some things of merit and the rest imitate them. It’s like the Bell curve and chaos theory.
And even as we observe ourselves in a mirror if we are too close all we can hope to see is the face with a foreshortened image of the rest of the body.
What we discussed in recent essays explains a great deal and I happy to discover that in fact I have been traversing terrain unfamiliar to other explorers, namely the creation of mythical advances in societies that parallel those in individuals. This however I don’t regard as the major element of the investigations. A key, but not sole element in the creation of myth is the retention of dignity.
It is incidentally crucial to define myth for our usage. I refer to myth in terms of Weapons of Mass destruction, Austerity Economic’s , Facebook, etc In other works these are old corporate interests tarted-up in the costumes of new corporate entities.
As has been noted the real tragedy is not the existence of a Reagan, but the inability of people to recognize it. To complain of the first does little good as long as the second is a viable myth.
There are so many post Freudian analysts that they have aman for the- the apostates. I don’t wish to vover familiar ground by hasten to remind the reader that the final perspective must be from two directions and they in turn stem from the inner and outer zones of being.
People will change by genetic modification, by chemotherapy and by enhanced learning conditions with the result of a world being torn apart
The environment will change as successively more experiences fall into the commodity description and thus creating a world of haves and have nots.

 
In order to help people deal with these changes, to assuage the pain new myths will be born. The simple minded will think that these new mythical world historical figures are created by charismatic personalities who draw and repel the minds and dedication of the neediest *and* the strongest among us. This is not the correct understanding.
The great myths are found in personalities that are empty. They are like valleys through which intermittent rivers flow. Propagandists liken the monadic elements to memes, information segments that need only the presence of a framework upon which to organize itself into order to coalesce into that which we call being.
The propagandists and mind shapers therefore believe one either control the information reaching the being , or the framework into which this information is shaped and attain the results in terms of control that one desires.
There are certain basic laws in this kind of scientific investigation. They cannot be proven because they seem to exist on such an elementary level. One could go so far as to say they are laws born of perfect equilibrium. Confucius, who was not a scientist, nevertheless says the key to existence is reciprocity.
It’s a story for another day and someone perhaps wiser then I, but nature, or God seems to have some set ideas and we trifle with them at our peril. The great law, As Above, so below can be put into gentler more inclusive terms basically ,you don’t get to take something without putting something back.
( It occurs to me that the entire difficulty with Satan stems from this. We may empathize with his good intentions but the fact is he did not make the universe and therefore…
I spoken to a few musical moguls who just don’t get it. I’d love to give them control – but it would be a bad idea)


It is for this reason I choose to avoid speaking in terms of memes, or realities dedicated to serving set purposes or ends when we speak of the factors that create and feed the mythical constructs of humanity. Although most of the time our attempts to control the thinking of others works, we just do not and cannot not if it will be permanent.
It is as if we get to talk to God he explains that the universe was a mistake. A product of the law of unintended circumstances. He wanted to build a garage for his second car and wound up with a greenhouse.
In any case it doesn’t seem to hurt to think of myth food as a form of chi”. This way when in conventional usage the propagandist err’s in seeking to create a virtual being we can explain it as being a problem, or miscoding , stems from the depths of the propagandist.
Note I use the term propagandist whereas in the past the term magician was used. Both gild the lily, which is to say that in the vast number of actual instances of this sort of thing what we are talking about is psychological conditioning - A parent wants their daughter to marry well, a factory owner wants a war to sell his goods etc

 
In conclusion I suppose I should be thankful in a way because my undergraduate psych experience was so unfull filling I never had my interest deadened by weeks of listening to people complain about their spouses, and bosses and ungrateful children. Complaints always directed at the wrong people.
I feel as if I am at a podium having finished the presentation – but sill here. In my other life as THE ALF I’ve experienced the phenomenon of submitting material, getting no response and seeing it used a few months later. That also happened – a lot- in media commentary. But I find myself surprising sanguine about the thought of any of this work being incorporated in to others.
The theme of myths as compensatory mechanisms is prefaced all through Mircea Ellliedes work – only he did say it. Campbell has done a great deal of work to bring the universality of myth to our attention but my reasearch probably owes as much to Freud who gives us an awareness both of the uniqueness of personal myths ( aka dream) and the , if you will, logic by which the means of controlling the individual can be used to control societies.
If Civilization is to be measure by it’s discontents might not we say the same thing around.
It shows you what an outcast Freud was because in actual practice one of the assumptions of civilization is that it has no outcasts – it’s is allegedly a big tent and to be branded an apostate, a discontent, to be excommunicated, is to forgo all claims to justice or the right to live.

Well I know that life












Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Cry of Gojira




                       The Cry of Gojira
               There are some   species, real and imaginary, that refuse to die. One of our assumed tasks here at the Tamlinmediaco is to track the evolution of the secondary form, the memes and myths by which humanity operates.  In fact it’s well to bear in mind that the imaginary  beliefs very often outlast the real ones by several factors.  Perhaps we ought not consider this unusual when we consider that while what  is purported to be real is constantly being affirmed or denied, the unreal, or mythical lives in the land of once upon a time – a place far more difficult to access.
              Shakespeare asks “to what can we compare a rose?”  and even after long years of study I feel much the same way about myth, which is to say the forms of myth however constant in inner meaning are forever changing and as well  the uber myths, of eternal return, of the  golden origin, of the underworld journey, etc, also must resist firm characterization.
 Today I’ll   refer to two myths, somewhat related, and both ancient and contemporary.  At the risk of being trite they are of the king and of the dragon.
              In the west the Arthurian cycle, or “The matter of Britain”   seems to serve as something of a blackboard where any old tom Dick, or Harry, sufficiently skilled , may add a few chapters.  Having covered the tale extensively in other places I mention briefly that it began as a Welsh Stone age male initiation rite and it wound up a cautionary  tale about  three way love affairs  and many other things such as the wounded/fisher king motif.   ( Actually to be correct, it comes into our awareness as an initiation rite – we must assume the tale was around longer then that passed on to us.)
Tangential to that story is the Myrdem, or Merlin   story that becomes a prototype for =wise old wizards, but who begin  as Satan’s spawn. Interestingly the earlier Merlin  figure is not conflicted by his origin. Likewise , of particular interest is the overall smoothness of the transition   from the earlier druidic  religion to Christianity. It brings up something   critical and often overlooked in myth studies, which is that very often the mythical figures are  transition guides, from on set of beliefs or ruling class to another. Ithe same way the ancient temples must be torn down and replace the old ones the oolder saints and heroes  are replaced.
              This provides us with clues, or markers. For instance in the United States, until the 1860’s slavery was the norm in the southern states.  During the civil war  riots ensued in New York City, driven by the fact that recent Irish Immigrants did not want to fight for the freedom of black people.  After the war however the prewar south was romanticized  as a glorious period   when black people reveled in the easy life they lived and were likely as  not to express gratitude to the “kindly  ‘ol massa”  for the fact of having enslaved them!
    Absurd as it sounds it is how the story went. As the general suggested “History will tell lies”  One could suggest that in myth we pay homage to the past.  So does Dante, a man deeply involved in the politics of his own era, use the experienced ghost of poet Virgil as a guide to the underworld. Of course since the homage we pay is of our own choice it often a cut rate homage.
        One last mention before we move on.
           Vigilius Publicus  was a favorite of emperor Augustus because he emphasize those elements of the roman character that had seemed to be most usefull in creating an empire, namely practicality, austerity, self control, reason and even chastity.   He is not read much anymore in part because of the very relaxed nature of his poetry. His is the pastoral vision of fruit ripe on the vine and cows gravid with milk. Virgil’s contemporary, Ovidus Naso  was in comparison a playboy, a man about town   and a briliiant tellerof the often raunchy tales that made op the Roman version of the Greek pantheon.  Suffice to say Augustos did not like Ovid and in fact banished him to the north sea   where Ovid  was miserable.
             The story of Dantes creation of the Commedia is fraught with risk. His fate. like that of Ovids was to offend the powers that and like Cervantes we may speculate that he wrote to keep his sanity, a purpose I certainly can find sympathy with.  The irony of being an intellectual exile, of being forced to live in garrets and rat holes and prisons  when once one led a better life ( such as is my condition) is that if the oppression were more overt I could perhaps find comfort. One feels a little like Dostoyevsky – having come along a little too early in the game.  It is not good however to dwell on such things and so I won’t.
           To conclude then myth often appears after loss. In the case of the girl who has been raped this is absolutely clear.  The mythical guide  is like a social services worker who tries to help us get our lives back together again.  In numerous animal cults around the world we beg forgiveness of the animal  that we have slain, and offer them payments in forms of sacrifice.  It is a curious psychological; proves that isi involved  and it seems to come into play whether we are victim or perpetrator.
          As is said in Zen, one is as much the target as the bowman.
       While it’s in mind I can give you another example  but first I have to ask your forgiveness and that you not take offence at what I am about to tell you.   For the record I received my first death threats at fourteen and by fifteen had been beaten up by a homecoming soldier from the VietNam  war.  I lived at the time in a lower middle class neighborhood called Uniondale and in a place like that people never questioned authority. This has not changed either. Referring to doubts about the Iran war several people wanted me to “step outside and settle things like a man.” In any case.
            We can identify several reason for the generation of popular delusions. The first two are easy -  delusions create mobs and one can utilize the ob for personal gain, secondly illusions terrify the disbelieving minority and they refuse to stand up for their rights. And the third reason is the one with the psychological component – namely the invention of a convienty illusion spares us the knowledge that we have either failed at something or in some way created a debt.
            For example in the year 1975 on the flagpoles of thousands of cities and states in the US, just beneath the Stars and Stripes was a black flag saying  “We support Pows and MIAs’  We have not forgotten”  Apparently I am the last person to remember the POW’s and I didn’t even believe it. A logical mind might have wondered why the North Vietnamese would have retained prisioners ( especially considering the consequences if found out)  but the mythical process does not process on logic.
       The POWS remain in the same place that the Weapons of Mass Destruction remain  - in delusions.  That and suffice to say in Hollywood movies  Sylvester Stallone and even worse actors. From the point of view of the mayors who raised the flags there was no choice. It did not cost anything  and it made them look patriotic.  Granted the vast majority did not believe the tale of the forgotten prisoners   and part of being an American is the willingness to allow other people to believe what they want  there’s another aspect to this however.
            For me the breaking point was the 80’s readers of these “missives” have heard it all before I apologize for sounding like a broken record but one does clarify thoughts with time  and I realize now that I was not so much angry with the Republicans. Reagan was not a Republican in the usual sense, nor was he a crook, he was something far more dangerous then either of them. He was a tyrant in the sense that he believed his own nonsense   and we paid and continued to pay for that.  He loved himself but self sacrifice was not on his list of virtues.
   What broke me up most though was the Democrats. If a out of the loop kid from long island could see what was happening it was difficult to believe that the party of the opposition remained obvious.   As a young up and comer with aspirations I’d read the New Yorker avidly  and then one day I realized it was no longer about people wanting to know things – It had become about people wanting to own things  and to adopt that attitude was more then I cared to do.

      Right and the genesis of the paper today is what may have beenm the final Godzilla movie, which I saw thismorning.  Though in many ways it’s well made and very watchable – like a page turner – it represents the final stage of the mythological franchise that was Gojira  for the Japanese people.
          The original Godzilla was a masterpiece of  characterization. Part Noh actor, part Sumo fighter he was the undying spirit of the  Japanese people.  They may have lost the war but they did not lose their self respect. The original definition of Dragons was “Water Lizards”   and here you had a fire breathing water living, airflying creature of apparently no blood. He was the four elements in one – plus soul.
       (While on the subject of Dragons in actuality they do not play a large role in the historical type things that I study. Likewise often dragons, as in the case of Beowulf, are unfriendly  but I did latch on to George Martins Fire and Ice epic, early and and especially recommend the spoken language version by Roy Dutrice. He was an old English character actor who never reached stardom but for the sheer variety of voices he does an unbeatable job. Unfortunately he died after the third volume. Martin’s not a fast worker but you’re getting a lot of story under one roof.)
     Getting back to “Big G”   after the first few films it settled into a groove  with enemies like Mothra, Ghidra, the Smog Monster  and such. Considering the Japanese predilection for such things there are comparative few robot adversaries.  As well, not being a Japanese speaker I’s difficult for me to judge the quality of the many Godzillas released only in Japan and in Japanese.
       Where I lived as a young man, Long Island, Godzilla seemed to have a strong resonance. It was not quite urban but it was a lot of people crammed together who’s main  concern was working. (I may ad that   local band Blue Oyster Cult   wrote a tribute song   called “Godzilla!”
    In 1984 Hollywood stepped in and released a big budget  film which, while being beautifully photographed  simple was too much over kill. The soundtrack was so loud it put you to sleep. By half way  through you’re wishing they cut to a quiet scene but they never do.  Certainly the scenes with the children  and even the Peanuts singing group were outré, but they were a very effective way  of maintaining  the level of unreality. Plus the predominant auditory element in any Godzilla movie has got to be the cry of Godzilla.  It has to be heard like the trumpets of heaven, coming from another world to establish justice and vindicate the pure of heart.
                         By the time of the last Godzilla the genre is totally devoid of meaning. It is well created and    everything is professional. In the   words of the old wise man – It stunk.
                    Briefly, Godzilla has been transmogrified  from lovable huggy bear to a leftover from the set of alien, the alinazilla   even appears in the form of leftover Raptors from Jurassic park. Instead of one good ending we experience the horror movie trick of several bad ones.  They use the cliché of a surviving zilla to lead on for another  episode but  thankfully this was never made, even here however the filmmakers ignorance of the tools of their craft is both obvious and appalling.  Either the creature is put to sleep.  Or,  far more often, it  makes it’s solitary march to the ocean where it will sleep until the next extra ordinary threat to the way of life of the people arises.
                 
                         This however allows me to speak further of the purpose of myth. We have ascertained that myths at the least help us mask from consciousness un bearable realities.  The notion that upon death, nothing happens , that we simply cease to be, sans thought, or affinity is dealt with via the creation of an entire metaphysical world, heaven.  The knowledge of this truth for many people would render life meaningless. If I may speak of alchemical adepts  such perceptions are alien to us. When one is fighting a battle to the death one hardly concerns them self with how much gold is in the winners trophy.  There can only be one goal – liberation from the chains of the conditioned mind.
   This can be achieved by anyone, instantly.   So the masters tell us and I am willing to go along with what they say.
This in the empty and dark hours of the soul is perceived as ritual.   As we sit in our houses of the holy and of the not so holy  one may easily determine  what is known as the spirit of the communicant.  What you wind up with if the procedure has be correctly performed is a resacralization of the   world of the  celebrant, an at one ment with the divine as it has been known.
is important to bear in mind that although we have a reasonable amount knowledge pertaining to the behaviorist conditioning that creates illusions that  cannot always be said of the operant side. In other words we are often too concerned with the way behavior is forced to the detriment of that, or those, desires that seem to spring up.   Bad seed sometimes falls on fertile ground.

                        A key to the origin of the psychic power of the messianic cult figure can be seen in the fact that those  not in the sphere of influence do not see what all the huh bub  is about.  For instance in Hitle they saw a military veteran of not very elaborate or brilliant viewpoints. His   followers on the other hand saw in the fuhrer all that such service symbolized.. It is as if we see the man and the believer sees the chi’  force.
                Remember, you don’t have to think of these ideas as literally true  as long as they provide meaningful explanations. Probably the best explanation is the leaders is as a conduit -  a means by which the accumulated hopes and fears may be channeled in to some sort of productive measure.  By productive, suffice to say I do not imply that the actions taken would have positive result  according to humanitarian standards.
             The Japanese are a high organized society. The sexes  have had different model behavior for centuries.    Nippon not only includes red light districts in many of it’s  cities and prefectures but was virtually the only combatant in the second world war to go out of  it’s way to provide slave prostitutes, captured from the enemy. Notions of pride and honor are important.
            The creation of   Godzilla (king of monsters) allowed the Japanese to say to themselves “We were no defeated by the  gaijin ( foreigners”)  we  were defeated by  the king of monster – a direct child of nature herself.   Notable almost immediately after the first movie, the series continued in a modality where Godzilla became humanities champion  much in the manner of the many altruistic programs Japan has funded.
          As to .whether the real Godzilla, or the real King Arthur   shall ever disappear forever?  I doubt that.  Legends have a way of hanging on.   In deed it is thought that one of their strongest markers is their abilities to appear when least expected.
             But the big guy sure did make a mess of Tokyo – not that any trace of that remains todayl. Fire Lizard, Flying Lizard, Earth money Water Lizard  the elements create.  And man forgets.

                          Ingmar Bergman once made a movie called “Sawdust and Tinsel”. In it   the Master of Ceremonies was having an affair  with the girl bareback rider  until the muscleman broke it up and stole the girl away.  The ring master was in tears. Finally he went to the animal tent and shot his best friend – the brown bear.
             People   later on asked  Ingmar “What’s this with the bear?”
             He replied  “What else could the ringmaster do?”

Thus destruction invites more destruction in the door and annihilation crows victory without success.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Marshmellow Inspiration


                                             Mah name is Marsh all
 
Mah werks are legions
Ah come with mah generals Omri and Ahab
from the mountains of the north
to dis cybellized landy to declare for one moment
that the universe is under marshal law! 

                          Taint no Puppy Dawg No Mo!

Who da boss? I am        Who da boss? I am        Who da Bass? I am
Who am I?                        I am the ALF                    How do you do?
 
Critter among critters. Fool among fools
Moonlight over Vermont and Sprigletyme in the Hackensockies
Personal escort to his majesty Simian Lord of the East
Footman of the Golden Dolphin Consigliore of the Coyote
Friend of the friendless and a penny for your thoughts

“Against all odds Charles must mount a daring escape and rescue Mary , leading to the spectacular climax, pitting him against the villainous Duke of Buckingham in a chivalrous duel to the death.” - plot synopsis, Disney’s           --            “ The Sword and the Rose”


       

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Valhalla



                Grover Cleveland High School had seen better days.  It looked like I felt. It was a  built a long time ago, maybe in the twenties or thirties  back in the  day when the cities were inhabited by teenagers and the like.   In the community center across the street it was People’s out reach night, where official type spokes   people  talked about all the progress coming to Queens country and pretty early on they handed out free coffee and pastries-  which tended to be the main attraction.
                   There’s a whole circuit of places you can go.  Tuesday night was people’s Out reach, sponsored by the Feds, then Wednesdays  after  afternoon   a sandwich  and dessert at the Salvation Army  ( along with a talk about Jesus)    Thursday the food bank special day and Friday the Methodists give out a full lunch from 12 to two.

   As it happen I was at the People’s Outreach  Meeting because it’s in sort of a small shopping center, most of which is empty but one of the adjoining  storefronts is now a second hand book store  where the dope is second rate but the conversation is first class. Paul Purcell, the proprietor has a degree in   International relations and he was good at it except his father was a big influence and that made him too left wing  and unmanageable for the give and take of day to day affairs.
             The store wasn’t really a store. It didn’t have electricity for instance  and basically Paul would take out a coupla shopping bags of paperbacks and put them on tables and call that a store. Actually, back in the day I had a personal library that had actual real books – hardcovers in sets, numbering a few thousand at the least, but then I had to throw them all away when the hard times come
    Paul was hard to fool, but he was the only one.
     One night come aro9und ten o’clock it was time for the coffee boy, that was me,  to clean the coffee makers,the filters and cans  and I was running a little late and behind the big coffee percolators there was a few bags of weed.   People had be supposed to pick them up but  for some reason the talker was a cop and that spooked everybody  I walk over, causal like and I’m thinking “Oh , shit,”   and the cop, a middle aged fella looks right at me.   I tried to look as stupid as I could.
            Francis Labriola, the organizer of sorts walks  over to the cop and starts talking to him. He was running cover for me. I sensed it. I wished I could put words into Franks mind – about how my father was dead, about how my mother  worked hard, about how I was a little dim witted  - but not from drugs – I was just born slow and people tried to help me out when they could.
          As the room begins to empty I discover to my horror that I have my work pants on – the one’s that never get washed, and my wallet and keys and money are in my good pants  which are in the coat room. The co0ps walking around handing out cards to people and I notice he’s making his way over to me.
            I look at the weed and see that cop come over an I say, “Er Hi Frank, whyduyathink I should do now?”
            He didn’t look at me but said one word under his breath like, “Run” 
At this point the parameters have changed. The cop sees the pot, knows what it is and knows I have got most of it im my pocket. The question is now, is he going to bust me  at this meeting dedicated to imporviong community/police  relations.  
    I get to the coat room and slide the work pants down but I can’t find my regular pants, just a ot od coats and stuff.  I look up at the window where thecy check the coats and theres the cop with Frank talking at him all the time, something about pathetic, and brain dead.  
   Finally way in the back corner on the floor I see my belt buckle  and I’m reaching and reaching and my ass is shaking and the cop is wondering what’s going on and I finally  grab them pants and put ‘em on tright there.
          God, that’s a good feeling. I can tell you.  To be walking around in your underwear in front of people and then to wear your regular clothes is a damn good feelin.  As luck would have it the coat room had a back entrance the use of which I availed myself.
    My second story, which is parto f the first also concerns Cleveland – the city though, not the high school.
                   I t was a long time ago and I was just over being a boy but not yet a man.  Igot the periodic itchies that tended to strike me I the spring time to see the world.   I carried round a guitar too, although I wasn’t any good at it, because next to a friend a guitar is the best thing I know to keep you company – and I am speaking from the vantage of one who’s seen many a man go down the dark roads
     It’s funny you know. When I think back on those days I remember the rides  but I rarely remember the connections and what is more sometimes I don’t even remember where I was headed to ro coming from. I just  knowt the direction, usually.  This time
I was going west across Pennsylvania, which sound like nothing special, one state, no turns.  But Ill never forget it because we start of in like Wilkes borough or Philly even and we drove for hours in one direction, though forests and up and down hills.  On a twelve wheeler you know when you’re going up hil and when you’re  going down   I don’t recall exactly but we might have been stopped by the  ITC, the Interstate Trucking commission.  If so then his weight woulda been alright  and I would have hid in the back of the cabin, under the rank blankets that he’d get his shut eye in.  I do believe this fellow was not a devotee of Ladies home Journal.
              He asked me if I knew any tunes  I replied I knew two by Johnny Cash, “Jackson” and “Folsom Prison Blues”  Jackson goes:
                    
                                          “We got married in a fever  hotter then a pepper sprout
                                            We been taking bout Jackson, ever since the fire went out.”
                      I was the last days of sixteen.  I didn’t know nothing  about love.  If I had I’d have realized tha the song  told me everything I   could ever need to know about love. Love is a  flame. Love consumes al things, even mighty time itself.   And importantly them that talk about going to Jackson are practicall never the ones that actually go.
      ( For all you non southerners that’s Jackson Mississippi  - long noted for the beauty of it’s women folk of all different colorations)
                      That Johnny Cash was something.  You take a dirt farmer, a poor man and you may wonder what keeps him going?   It’s pride. I can’t explain it but you don’t have to scratch Cash too deep to see and hear it.
                            “We I get into that city all the  men  gonna stoop and bow
                               And all them pretty women gonna make me
                                 show em what they don’t know how”
                       At the time I was convinced that June Carter Cash was the moist beautiful woman I had ever seen and I was going to marry me one some day. Actually I got pretty close,   several times, but never close enough.
                            We pull into Cleveland at four thirty in the morning.   Everything’s dead. The sunsc coming up and the trucker drops me off at  a diner  on the last hill before the plains upon which the city set.  Cleveland at the time was at the end of it’s era. All the majestic stuff that was to be built  had been built and whn I come by there was just the slightest whiff of change in the air.
                    It had, once upon a time, been the promised land.The funny thing is who among us, setting our eyes upon the promised land are able to recognize it for what it is instead of just seeing an empty, barren wasteland?
            I guess I beat Moses to he punch. He gazed at the promised to be land and died  I saw the promised land that once had been and lived.
                  Having to be frugal  I had a cup of coffee and a free refill. The waitress, an elderly  lady was very friendly and treated me like a man. Without undue hubris I suppose  that she had not seen many of my kind.  For I was being handed from person to person, truck to truck and city to city and I felt that no harm was to come to me  for these were my people and it was important to them that I be delivered to my appointed destination.


Th ealf