Operation Lucky Charm

                                    Once upon a time there was a powerful and rich nation called Greensylvania. It had done well in the eyes of it’s gods and it’s gods in turn had done well to it. This meant they could watch television all day long, when they weren’t high on drugs, and sometimes, often, when they were high on drugs.

                         But, alas the time came, as it comes to many a rich nation, when the mothers of Greensylvania sat back in their upholstered sofas and said,

“                "Herman, I'm not satisfied. I want more out of life.”

                      Since the average Sylvanian witnessed some five million artificial murders in a lifetime, along with sex and love between all known sexes and species this could only mean one thing – reality.

So the king sent for the second in command, the head propagandist and made his wishes that the mothers of Sylvania be satisfied and happy.

                        The head propagandist, Charles Spenser, racked his mind. He puzzled up his head. He consulted soothsayers and fortune tellers, not to mention research analysts , futurologists, and the members of the board of directors of Sylvania.

                  For once the committee came up with a plan. Actually it wasn’t entirely original, but who cares. It was a plan.

                           The next day Spencer flew to Redlam, a small country in a far hemisphere and laid out his offer.

                       “We will give you one billion dollars if you are willing to sacrifice a thousand of your finest young people.”

                         The Prime minister of Redlam was appalled.

                           “Are you crazy? Are you insane? That is preposterous! Who do you think we are?”

                        “We know who you are, we are just trying to settle on a price, said Charles Spenser.

                      “Out of the question” said the PM.

                           “At least try to consider the arrangement in principio”’

                     With that the meeting ended abruptly. When the next meeting was held Spencer noticed that the background music had changed from “The Blue Danube” to the "March of the wooden soldiers”

      '    "After consultation with the king", said Charles Spencer, "We have decided to be reasonable and have decided to lower the number of deaths to five hundred instead of a thousand, only you have to jazz it up a little. We seek entertainment."

                     "This is still out of the question" said the special representative for humane treatment of human sacrifices, Jasminna Gringold.

                                  She began to speak, “The notion of sacrificing such a large number of our finest people just for a billion dollars is untenable, absolutely untenable.

                             “Did I mention that the billion dollars was to be paid on a yearly basis and could be renegotiated upwards depending on the ratings?"

                             Jasminna’s nostrils flared.After awhile she regained her composure and said.

                                   “We are currently of two minds, should we accept your offer, one is a straight trade and the other is for a comparable number of children.

                          “Fast runners?”

                           “Maybe not Olympic quality but none handicapped.”

                                 “I’ll have to take this to the king” Said Spenser

                          “Take your time.”

                 It came to pass then that the Grand Actuarial Atomizer had recently completed a project concerning pigs and their feasibility as Air Mail delivery vehicles and was on the look out for other meaningful employ, perhaps more remunerative as well.

                               The Capitol was abuzz with excitement at the news of the possible deal. Humphrey Humpover was quoted as saying.”

                         “They are working their butts off for this.”

                            Seventeen hundred accountants tuned into Cap TV as their master Atomizer was escorted into the presence of the King.

                         After the proper formalities had been attended to the Grand Actuary “got down to business.”

                         Upon his face was the slightest of smiles which did not fail to be noticed by the professional face watchers. The stock market surged.

                          The Grand Actuary was an old man. Well, past the time of retirement, of good health too. In fact he should have been dead long ago if it were not for his third heart transplant and several other replaced organs – gifts of a grateful public.

                              He began to speak,

                         “We must not be guided by superstitions, by misguided contrivances, or false sensitivity to the ratings, but rather, but rather.. Here he had lost his place in the speech for a moment and he had to pause to find it again.

                             But rather we must be guided by reason, and compassion for the children – for the generation yet to come and we must make every effort to assure that every Redlamanite has the opportunity to achieve all that is possible within his or her range of measurable abilities.

                                   Given these factors it is easy to see that this proposal must be accepted. With a billion dollars we can immunize a thousand people against Polio, we can buy hundreds of Happy Meals for children in the ghetto, we can retrain the untrained; in short we can effect and save the lives of tens of thousands of people. Warm loving people with families will be blessed by a second chance in life.

                         The choice as to which people need be sacrificed doesn’t have to be inhumane. We can put thirty thousand names in a hat and only chose a few thousand for the program. The survivors, er, I mean the winners, will get a grand parade DOWN BROADWAY, with ticker tape and pretty girls to stand next to. We have called this grand project to help society “Operation Lucky Charm”

                          The King was happy. The Prime minister was happy. The accountants were over joyed. The contestants were a little less happy, but still they had a four in five chance of being winners which are better odds then before when they have virtually no chance of gaining their freedom.

                                   And so on the second of July, in front of a unprecedented audience the show went on. There were fireworks and orchestras. Some of the more attractive sacrificial victims had little vignettes of their lives shown before they were thrown off the cliffs. When young mothers had their throats cut in front of their infant children there was not a dry eye in the house. It was, in short, a huge success.

                                The Prime ministers ratings sky rocketed. A few weeks later a confidential memo was passed around to the effect that as long as the billion dollars was in the bank it would be earning interest and after all there were other issues involved, a highway construction fund, consultancy fees, fees to determine the proper amount to be paid in consultancy fees, and so on.

                         Later on the program ran in to a little trouble. Some Somali pirates blew up an oil tanker belonging to Greensylvania. So Greensylvania blew up the Paris Opera. When asked why this manner of retribution the official response was.

                         “There is nothing in Somalia worth even half the price of a cut rate, bargain basement bomb, but Paris has some of the best filet mignon on earth.”

                        The logic proved sound. To prevent further attack the French government has agreed to send to Greensylvania one hundred steaks , with the appropriate dinner ware and cooks every year, on the anniversary of the first Operation Lucky Charm.

                           Diplomacy is wonderful. Logic is truth. Together they can lead us to a better world.

Tamlin